Another sentimental post.

As the school year creeps closer, I've been contemplating how different I am now than I was a year ago. I think about the experience I've gained, the lessons I've learned, the relationships I've formed or strengthened, and those I've discontinued.

I can honestly say that I have grown and changed more my freshman year of college, especially this summer, than any other period of my life. Many of my experiences have been painful. Many have been difficult. But I'm so much stronger and I understand so much more because of them. I can attribute the bulk of these changes to the following:

• The beautiful, talented, sweet-spirited girls who have taken me in as their roommate and loved me unconditionally, even though I say awfully dumb things and have made so many mistakes. Knowing that I'll be living with them for at least the next 9 months, I have so much to look forward to that I can hardly even stand it. They are such a blessing.
  

• The D&C class I took taught by Matthew Clayton. I think he only teaches spring term, but if you ever have the opportunity to take this class from him, do it. I have such a better focus on life from the eternal perspective because of it and it has, without exaggeration, altered my behavior and the type of people I choose to associate with.
• Challenging myself. I'm a firm believer that what you do is who you are, so this summer I was determined to do something that would make me the kind of person I could be proud of. So I ran a half marathon, and I surprised myself with how considerably well I did. That would have been enough, but I also got swept up in this cleanse. Dang I thought I was gonna be able to get through this post without mentioning the cleanse. Well I've completed 19/23 days of my cleanse to the best of my ability. I've lost at least 10.9 pounds. It's been kind of miserable, but I'm almost done, and I'm pretty sure now that I can do anything. It's done wonders for my confidence.
• My job. Pruning shrubs all day, although repetitive and somewhat boring, is the perfect environment for talking. And the people I work with are some of the most incredible people to talk to. I spend so much of my time with them that they have become a bit like family to me. They've been supportive and understanding and protective, and my interactions with them have been (maybe this is a weird word to use but it's how i feel) nourishing. Because of their example, I've come to realize what is really worth making a priority in life. It's not making tons of money and having expensive things; it's not getting laid; it's not dating the most attractive or prestigious person you can convince to like you, or having a big expensive wedding that you have to save up for a year or two just to afford. It's living with integrity. It's living frugally, without debt and therefore with minimal stress. It's filling your life with knowledge and truth and inspiration. It's finding someone who you can call your best friend, who you can trust and share everything with, and marrying the heck outta them. It's having a family and teaching them to be the very best that they can be. There's a number of married couples on the crew, and it's given me an idea of what marriage really is about. It makes me sad that most of the world sees marriage as confining and stuffy. Cause to me it looks wonderful. It looks challenging but secure. And I've grown to look forward to it with eager anticipation. Not too eager. DON'T worry.

The point is, in the last year, I've been through a lot.

A little over a year ago, I was this girl:

Now, I'm her:

Can you see a difference?

A little tanner; a little blonder; but it's more than that. She's infinitely happier..
I love this girl. I'm so proud of her. And I look forward to finding out who she becomes.

A cleanse can do crazy things to a girl..

I've never been big on preparing food. Usually it takes a brownie (batter) or cookie (dough) craving to motivate me to bake or a lack of access to any microwavable foods to stimulate my putting any more effort into food preparation than sticking multiple substances between two slices of bread. Partly this has to do with the fact that for the last year I haven't had the necessary cooking equipment to do anything fancy, nor the energy to shop for ingredients.
Since for the past two weeks I have had to deprive myself of all things worth eating, I fantasize about food a lot. It's probably very unhealthy. Still, it has somehow catalyzed my domestic female gene. I guess it took 14 days of sugar deprivation to for me to realize that I secretly have a passion for baking. Suddenly, I just wanna bake everything. Even though I know I won't be able to eat it. I've realized how much food makes me happy. I was googling a recipe for peanut butter banana bread and I stumbled across Joy the Baker whose blog contains so many delicious-sounding recipes that I almost died looking at it. On my sudden baking impulse, I accepted an invitation to go to Ryan's house to make peanut butter banana bread for him, but he only had wienie ingredients, so i had to use this lame recipe instead. Warning! Even though the recipe says 70-75 minutes, that's entirely too long. I'd go with 60. Tops. Anyway, here's how it turned out:

According to Ryan, it's delicious. I wouldn't know, because I'm still torturing myself with my cleanse. It smelled awesome though and it was definitely tempting. 9 days until I can bake something delicious for myself! And my roommates!!!!! I can't wait to move in :D

"In this age...

which believes there is a short cut to everything, the greatest lesson to be learned is that the most difficult way is, in the long run, the easiest." -Henry Miller

 On Tuesday, I started a 17-day cleanse. Counting pre- and post- cleanse, it's probably closer to 25 days. I'm limited to deep leafy greens, raw vegetables, cooked beets, watermelon, herbs, and rather unpleasant shakes which are expected to scrub out my colon allowing for better digestion in the future. I don't feel a need to lose weight, so the only thing really keeping me motivated to stick to it (and I have, with the exception of skipping a salad here and there, thank you very much) is the fact that this opportunity to do this cleanse has been graciously and generously provided by my parents who funded it. Still, ask any of the people I work with, and they will tell you how unsavory my attitude has been. I'm really grateful for their sympathy and support despite my constant whining and cranky retorts. For example, Marcus encouraged me to eat my beets (Sorry the vid is sideways. I'm technologically challenged.)

The cleanse hasn't been too awful, considering all the fuss I've been making about it. And I am pleased to report that I already have noticed it's easier to get into my super tight jeans that I'm not willing to admit are too small for me, and I think my fingers look less chubby (yeah, I didn't need it. But weight loss doesn't suck.) Besides that, I have noticed that although the sun still makes me feel lazy, I don't feel like I need a nap after lunchtime the way I used to.


The other thing I felt the impulse to blog about is the documentary I just watched on Netflix. It's called I.O.U.S.A. and it's about the alarming rise of the national debt. I've been really interested in finances lately because working full time for the first time in my life, I'm making considerable amounts of money and I haven't been managing it well. This documentary really alerted me to the ignorance of Americans in terms of finance and reminded me that you can't always have everything you want instantly. It was fairly politically unbiased, which I appreciated. I strongly recommend it.


Basically the theme of my week, which I'd like to share, is not to be afraid to do hard things. In the long run, it builds better character and reaps greater rewards.

Please, help yourself.

For most people, the best part of earning a raise is something superficial, like the extra money. But for me, the real reward is the special attention I get from the government. I like that they came specifically to my bank account just to take advantage of an opportunity to take 19% of my paycheck instead of 12%. It really makes me feel included in American society. And hey, mi paycheck es su paycheck.

I love when the rain matches my mood.

I'm not one to post my drama on the internet for all the world to use for entertainment. But this song pretty much sums up how I'm feeling after recent events. Seriously, I cannot wait until I don't have to date anymore.

But really, I love the rain.

The Big Day

As I mentioned in a post roughly 4 weeks ago, I volunteered myself to run my very first half marathon, the Legacy Midnight Run.
Friday was the big day. Or should I say night?
My mom picked me up from Provo right after I got off work and we got back to Farmington just in time to pick up my t-shirt and my bib from home and head to the pickup location for the race.

Look how excited I am for a 2-hour run.

 I rode a bus with 83 other passengers to the starting location and waited there for an hour and a half before we even lined up to start running. Everyone received a flashing glow wand and a bunch of glow bracelets, most of which ended up on the ground by the end of the race.

 I had been a little anxious and intimidated by the 13.1 mile distance when the most I had ever run prior to this event was about 10.6. I knew I could do it, but I wasn't even sure if I could finish in 2 hours and 30 minutes, let alone by midnight (the race began at 10:00 pm), for which a reward of a special medal that lights up was promised. I ended up surprising myself with a time of 1:57:44, so I got my flashing medal :) I'm SO proud!

The experience was rewarding and so much fun, and a big reminder not to take my body for granted. It's easy to be self-conscious and compare yourself to others, but it's hard not to be thankful for what you've got when you realize that your legs can carry you thirteen miles. My body isn't perfect, but it's strong and it's capable, and I am so fortunate to have it.

Anyway, I had a really good time and you better believe there will be many more half marathons to come. :) And.. full marathons? Eventually..

My Colorado Adventure: Vol III (Written 7/5/11)

Currently I am on a plane with an entire aisle to myself. My favorite part of flying is that brief dropping sensation you get the moment the plane becomes airborne. That part’s over now. I can’t even see Denver’s city lights anymore.

As you’ve probably figured, right now, I’m flying back to Utah from Colorado, ending my trip a week earlier than originally planned. Well technically, the original plan was to stay for the entire two months of my summer break. However, after considering that I would have neither a job nor my own car there and realizing that all of my friends were going to have jobs and noticing that in the time I would be in Colorado, I could make over $2000 pruning shrubs in Provo, I promptly modified my plane ticket, reducing my 10-week vacation to 2.

The time I’ve spent in Colorado has been amazing, and seeing my friends has been so much fun, so I understand why it might be surprising that I should choose to go back to Utah sooner than expected. No specific event made me want to leave early. I just couldn’t shake the feeling that Colorado isn’t where I’m supposed to be right now. It’s funny because I used to loathe Utah, and I was always willing to sacrifice whatever was necessary in order to spend as much time as possible in Colorado with my beloved friends, who are all such hilarious, genuine, truly special people.

In the last half a year, though, I’ve finally established relationships in Utah after living here for the most unfavorable 3 ½ years of my life. I have a job and a place of my own. And being in Colorado made me feel like all of that might not be there when I got back. That combined with other complex and more than likely irrational emotions resulted in my ultimate decision not to complete my trip. And I don’t know if that was really necessary, and I feel guilty for robbing my Colorado friends of the time they thought they were going to have with me. Hopefully I’ll be able to make up for it.

That is absolutely not to say that I haven’t had fun. I loved staying with Ashley in Evergreen. It was the most scenic place, and my runs, though challenging, were incredible. It was very peaceful. My last night up there was really nice. Ashley’s parents took us to Beau Jo’s Pizza where we enjoyed a delicious meal beside the stream followed by Baskin Robins for dessert. Then Ashley and I went to see Monte Carlo. The next day she took me back to Aurora and I got to hang out with Charly, whom I haven’t heard from much since she deleted her Facebook. We made some sort of pudding dessert and experimented with toasting coconut (success!), then caught up on life. Yesterday, I spent 4^th of July with Josh at a BBQ with his family. Lunch was delicious and was succeeded by about 5 hours of lighting off fireworks. The night literally ended with a bang when a set of fireworks that was supposed to go into the air malfunctioned and exploded all over the spectators. Josh seemed pretty antsy to leave after that. Driving through Denver on 4^th of July was honestly the mostly beautiful thing. There were fireworks in the sky everywhere. To conclude my evening, I joined Shmam, Amela, Jessica R., Jessica M., Asya, Casey, Minji, and her.. Sam.

Today, my last day here, we had scheduled a water fight, so Shmam and I went to the Dollar Store for water balloons and spent an hour and a half filling them up. Unfortunately, nobody seemed to be able to make it except Amela, so instead Shmam taped an X on her fence and we threw balloons at it for practice. We noticed a substantial improvement in our aim when we imagined certain boys’ faces as the target. After that, we met Minji for dinner at Casa Vallarte before returning to Shmam’s house to watch So You Think You Can Dance until it was time to take me to the airport. When I checked my bags, the lady told me to enjoy my flight and I almost said “you too.”

So here I am now, alone in my aisle using the unoccupied desk next to me to hold my complimentary ice water and peanuts while I type, experiencing some turbulence with only a few minutes until my plane begins its descent. I’m almost home. It’s funny, because a year ago I would have felt like I was leaving home. I guess that’s part of growing up.