Getting a Grip

I've been doing a lot of introspection lately. I think that's natural for periods of transition. I'm coming to a big turning point in my life--graduating college, leaving school (the only thing I've ever really known), finding a job that hopefully pays the bills and gives me a sense of fulfillment. And that has really made me examine myself. My weaknesses, my strengths, my interests. I'm realizing I don't know myself that well. (There's really no avoiding a realization like that when your interviewer asks you what your career and life goals are and you can't come up with anything better than "Uhm, ya know... I don't really know.") It always sounded crazy to me when people would take time off from real life to "find themselves." But now I'm starting to see the appeal.

Anyway, as I was looking into these things, I started to realize how little time I have spent exploring my interests. I've been so busy trying to keep up on schoolwork and find relevant job experience that will hopefully make me competitive in the workforce that it never really occurred to me to pursue the things I wanted to do. As it happens, it seems like those are the things that really set you apart in the workforce. Irony, amiright?

But what have I been doing with all my free time then, if not the things I enjoy? Oh, I'll tell you what I've been doing with my free time.

Facebook.

Yup. I bet if you added up all the times I would surf Facebook when I woke up, during car rides, while walking between classes, while procrastinating my homework, and before bed, I was probably spending up to 4 hours a day on Facebook.

You're gasping with disgust. I know. I am too. How do I live with myself? I don't know.

Honestly, I don't even know why I let the compulsion get so bad. Facebook is so boring. Roughly 85% of my drama since Freshman year of college has come from Facebook. It's a breeding ground for feelings of inadequacy and judgment and annoyance. It has really brought me nothing but trouble, and it has been stealing hours, days, weeks of my life away from me in the process.

So no more. Two days ago I decided to pull myself together.
For a month, I will not be getting on Facebook and Instagram. I will not be checking notifications. I will not be surfing my news feed. I will not be stalking anyone.

Instead, I made a list of my interests so that when I find myself with free time, I can use it to pursue those things that will make my life richer and fuller, and will help me to grow as a person.

I'll let you know how it goes.

The Blues

A few thoughts I've had since I applied for graduation this morning:

I'm graduating! I can't believe it! I'm going to put on a cap and gown and walk across a stage and shake somebody's hand and after that I will never have to go to school ever again.

I have to get a job.

OMG who's going to hire me?

I'm going to be a secretary for the rest of my life. I got a college degree so that I could be a secretary for the rest of my life.

I can't wait to work 40 hours a week and have the other 128 hours to do anything I want with.

OMG who's going to hire me for 40 hours a week??!

I better start looking for jobs.

What do I want to do? I don't even know.

I have no passion.

I am destined to be a secretary. A passionless secretary.

At least when I have nothing but being a secretary to worry about I will have plenty of time to start working out again.

 And then I cried.