Engagement is hard on couples, each for different reasons. Each couple experiences different trials, perfectly crafted for that set of individuals to test them and make them work for the beautiful gift of marriage that they are accepting. I never really anticipated the challenges of engagement. I tried to safeguard myself against my weaknesses so that I could make it through unscathed, but the truth is that no matter how prepared you are, life will find the spot where you are weak and it will try to wear you down.
Something that Tyler said to me when we were working through one of our many obstacles during our brief engagement was that Satan will do anything to get in the way of marriage. Because he knows that it is the most wonderful, powerful and joy-filled ordinance we can enter into, he will do anything to ruin it or overshadow it before it even starts. For some couples, that means tempting intimacy before marriage. For some, it means making the celebration the focus to detract from the spouse and the sacred union, which are the true sources of joy which God has intended for His children. I expected those things, and I was prepared for them. I like to think I handled them pretty well. But Satan threw me a curveball. My biggest challenge was something I didn't ever expect to have to deal with while preparing for marriage, and it was something that I hold so dear to my heart: my friendships began to deteriorate.
I am one who holds onto relationships tightly, who wants nothing more than to get to know people on a personal level and resolve issues whenever they arise so that I can maintain them. In the time leading up to my engagement and my wedding, it seemed that, due to my own mistakes as well as circumstances far beyond my control, I lost many of those relationships with people who I thought would be in my life for the long haul, and it made it really hard for me to enjoy the journey. And it was hard for Tyler not to take that personally, when I should have been overjoyed to be marrying him but instead I was sad.
That was a difficult couple of weeks for both of us. What helped to turn it around for me was a conversation we had with my bishop. He was giving us some marriage advice, and he talked about the commandment to cleave to your husband/wife. He said people often think of that in terms of physical intimacy, but it extends far beyond that--it means to cleave to your spouse above all else. Not to cleave unto money, or your job, or your possessions, or your entertainment. And not to your friends. It was about that time that it hit me that I was clinging too tightly to the things that, although important and worthwhile, will not be the things that I take with me throughout eternity.
Throughout this life and forever after, the only one who will stay by my side, witness all of my experiences, go through everything with me, learn with me, grow with me, support me, and let me support him is my husband. From here on out, my friends just won't be a part of me in that way, not because they aren't loyal or don't care, and not because I don't care about them, but because family is the only eternal unit and marriage is the Lord's plan through which we can experience the fullest of joys. My friends and mentors, even my parents, siblings, and children, though they will have important parts in my life and I have rich relationships with them, will all eventually go their own ways. Everyone is taking a different route in this life, but Tyler and I are on the same route. This experience helped me understand that a little better.
In that way, losing those friendships helped remind me to put the attention and effort where it needed to be--cultivating the relationship with my future husband that I needed to--and it was a true blessing. It also helped me to appreciate the friends that put up with my imperfections and are patient enough to stick around while I stumble through the learning process that is life.
Throughout this life and forever after, the only one who will stay by my side, witness all of my experiences, go through everything with me, learn with me, grow with me, support me, and let me support him is my husband. From here on out, my friends just won't be a part of me in that way, not because they aren't loyal or don't care, and not because I don't care about them, but because family is the only eternal unit and marriage is the Lord's plan through which we can experience the fullest of joys. My friends and mentors, even my parents, siblings, and children, though they will have important parts in my life and I have rich relationships with them, will all eventually go their own ways. Everyone is taking a different route in this life, but Tyler and I are on the same route. This experience helped me understand that a little better.
In that way, losing those friendships helped remind me to put the attention and effort where it needed to be--cultivating the relationship with my future husband that I needed to--and it was a true blessing. It also helped me to appreciate the friends that put up with my imperfections and are patient enough to stick around while I stumble through the learning process that is life.
Things got a bit simpler after that. It was still really hectic trying to plan a wedding on a time crunch while finishing a semester, but my heart began to heal and I was able to really enjoy the process and be excited for the end result: an eternity with my favorite person in the world!!
So many people came together and worked really hard to help me create the short notice wedding that I could never have managed on my own. I feel so grateful for my friends who jumped at the opportunity to help, my selfless parents and loving family members who bent over backwards to give me a celebration and find options for me that I felt happy with when the time constraints limited them considerably, and my understanding new mother in law who has such excellent taste and unquenchable enthusiasm (and was probably more excited to plan my wedding than I was).
And most of all I was able to enjoy the sweet moments with my Tyler--all the laughing, the acts of kindness, the good company. We had so much fun making invitation blunders and registering for gifts, trying desperately to take engagement pictures that weren't awkward or strained when we didn't know what to do in front of a camera. We were able to accomplish so much wedding planning in such a short time and we were able to do it together. He is full to his tall brim with beauty and goodness and selflessness. I seriously hit the jackpot. I can't wait for our forever together.
So many people came together and worked really hard to help me create the short notice wedding that I could never have managed on my own. I feel so grateful for my friends who jumped at the opportunity to help, my selfless parents and loving family members who bent over backwards to give me a celebration and find options for me that I felt happy with when the time constraints limited them considerably, and my understanding new mother in law who has such excellent taste and unquenchable enthusiasm (and was probably more excited to plan my wedding than I was).
And most of all I was able to enjoy the sweet moments with my Tyler--all the laughing, the acts of kindness, the good company. We had so much fun making invitation blunders and registering for gifts, trying desperately to take engagement pictures that weren't awkward or strained when we didn't know what to do in front of a camera. We were able to accomplish so much wedding planning in such a short time and we were able to do it together. He is full to his tall brim with beauty and goodness and selflessness. I seriously hit the jackpot. I can't wait for our forever together.
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