Wedding

Marriage is the best! I give it two thumbs up.


Tyler & me playing thumb war during our bridal shoot. I won. Okay.. he won.

I just got my pictures back from our photographer (my friend, Alexis, who also took roommate photos for our 2012 Christmas card) so to celebrate, I'm going to finally write a blog post about the big day. Woooooooooo party!

The week of the wedding was a whirlwind. Tyler and I both had to move out of our apartments. We had an entourage come from out of town consisting of Tyler's family, his childhood friend Matt, and his mission companion, Aaron. Torre, one of my best friends, flew in from Colorado too. It was a blast!

Some of my favorite moments from wedding preparations:

1. Going to the temple. It was such a wonderful experience and I got to do it with my whole family and the man I love. It was such a special day for me.

2. Tyler and his friends and family so kindly helped me do the final cleaning of my apartment before moving out. I wish I had gotten a picture of all these big guys scrubbing my apartment! It completely melted my heart. It meant so much that they were willing to come in after travelling for hours and clean my house, some of them barely knowing me. So much kindness. I can't.

3. On Friday, Torre flew in. Tyler and I were busy moving him out, so we sent Aaron for her. I told her that a big black guy was going to pick her up. She made the mistake of thinking I was joking, and was a little surprised to find out that I wasn't. They met us at Tyler's apartment just in time to witness Tyler's dad get sassy with the apartment manager for trying to fail Tyler on his cleaning check and charge him all kinds of illegitimate fees. (It was necessary. Someone needed to stand up to them.)

Having Torre here was the best thing ever. She brought with her only the most sincere happiness for me and eagerness to help me make my day as special as possible. She was there to calm to jitters, help me make last minute wardrobe adjustments, and most of all she was a reminder to me of how much I was loved despite all the craziness going on around me. And I knew she was there not only for herself, but on behalf of all my loved ones in Colorado who couldn't make it because of the short notice. Having that comfort helped me be able to really enjoy the experience. I cannot express enough my gratitude for her presence, at my wedding and in my life.

4. Torre, Momma Dalton, and I were driving to Salt Lake to see the venue the day before the wedding, and we were listening to songs in the car that we could use for the first dance and the daddy/daughter dance. We all ended up in tears.

5. The bachelorette party the night before!! Britney threw me such a fun party complete with Mormon jello shots (...just jello. They weren't very good for shooting), non-alcoholic alcoholic drinks, and inappropriate eating utensils. My friend Anna came in from Montana to be there for the party and the wedding, and I'm so happy she did. My roommates made it to share the laughs and raunchy gifts. It was fun to have a girls' night in to blow off some steam before the nerves could set in.

Before I knew it, the day was here! Because the sealing wasn't until 3:40, we had plenty of time in the morning to get ready and take care of last-minute details.. like Tyler's upset stomach. We were a little worried that he had caught the bug I had earlier in the week (during which time, for the record, Tyler never left my side except to get me water and frozen vegetables to put on my hot skin. He even watched Pretty Little Liars with me... and got a little bit addicted. Best husby ever.), but everything worked out. His mom smeared him with essential oils and he was feeling better in no time.

Then we had another hiccup: getting rear-ended on the way to the sealing. A cute old man accidently hit us. Luckily we were in a rental car with a damage waiver, and the damage wasn't bad, but the police took a long time to get there and we were late to the ceremony. Woops!

The ceremony was so beautiful. My heart was so full as I looked around at the faces of friends and family, and held hands with my sweetheart, realizing that I get to be by his side forever. There is no greater blessing.

The day was gray and rainy and a bit cold, but I didn't even notice. It was perfect.

Tyler and I took pictures outside the temple and missed dinner because the sealing had been so delayed. We ended up snarfing food from to-go boxes right before the reception started.

The reception was so fun! It was the best sharing the experience with all of our loved ones. Katie's sisters came--even Anna who had to fly out from Oregon! I was so happy to see them. So many people went out of their way to be a part of our day and I am without words. I wouldn't give up those memories for anything.

My daddy and I danced to My Little Girl. I know. Classic.

Then Tyler and I danced to Marry Me by Train.

And then we cut the cake... well we tried to. Word to the wise: make sure you know how to cut the cake before you actually cut the cake. You might think it's pretty self explanatory, but it's not always..
Anyway, things got a little messy.

I tossed the bouquet

and Tyler threw the garter (Tossed? Flung? Shot?)

And suddenly, as if in the blink of an eye, it was over!

I thought the day would drag on, but it went so fast. It was the best day. And every day since then has been the best day.

Engagement Pt 2: The Downs

Engagement is hard on couples, each for different reasons. Each couple experiences different trials, perfectly crafted for that set of individuals to test them and make them work for the beautiful gift of marriage that they are accepting. I never really anticipated the challenges of engagement. I tried to safeguard myself against my weaknesses so that I could make it through unscathed, but the truth is that no matter how prepared you are, life will find the spot where you are weak and it will try to wear you down.

Something that Tyler said to me when we were working through one of our many obstacles during our brief engagement was that Satan will do anything to get in the way of marriage. Because he knows that it is the most wonderful, powerful and joy-filled ordinance we can enter into, he will do anything to ruin it or overshadow it before it even starts. For some couples, that means tempting intimacy before marriage. For some, it means making the celebration the focus to detract from the spouse and the sacred union, which are the true sources of joy which God has intended for His children. I expected those things, and I was prepared for them. I like to think I handled them pretty well. But Satan threw me a curveball. My biggest challenge was something I didn't ever expect to have to deal with while preparing for marriage, and it was something that I hold so dear to my heart: my friendships began to deteriorate.

 

I am one who holds onto relationships tightly, who wants nothing more than to get to know people on a personal level and resolve issues whenever they arise so that I can maintain them. In the time leading up to my engagement and my wedding, it seemed that, due to my own mistakes as well as circumstances far beyond my control, I lost many of those relationships with people who I thought would be in my life for the long haul, and it made it really hard for me to enjoy the journey. And it was hard for Tyler not to take that personally, when I should have been overjoyed to be marrying him but instead I was sad.
 

That was a difficult couple of weeks for both of us. What helped to turn it around for me was a conversation we had with my bishop. He was giving us some marriage advice, and he talked about the commandment to cleave to your husband/wife. He said people often think of that in terms of physical intimacy, but it extends far beyond that--it means to cleave to your spouse above all else. Not to cleave unto money, or your job, or your possessions, or your entertainment. And not to your friends. It was about that time that it hit me that I was clinging too tightly to the things that, although important and worthwhile, will not be the things that I take with me throughout eternity.

 

Throughout this life and forever after, the only one who will stay by my side, witness all of my experiences, go through everything with me, learn with me, grow with me, support me, and let me support him is my husband. From here on out, my friends just won't be a part of me in that way, not because they aren't loyal or don't care, and not because I don't care about them, but because family is the only eternal unit and marriage is the Lord's plan through which we can experience the fullest of joys. My friends and mentors, even my parents, siblings, and children, though they will have important parts in my life and I have rich relationships with them, will all eventually go their own ways. Everyone is taking a different route in this life, but Tyler and I are on the same route. This experience helped me understand that a little better.

In that way, losing those friendships helped remind me to put the attention and effort where it needed to be--cultivating the relationship with my future husband that I needed to--and it was a true blessing. It also helped me to appreciate the friends that put up with my imperfections and are patient enough to stick around while I stumble through the learning process that is life.
 

Things got a bit simpler after that. It was still really hectic trying to plan a wedding on a time crunch while finishing a semester, but my heart began to heal and I was able to really enjoy the process and be excited for the end result: an eternity with my favorite person in the world!!

So many people came together and worked really hard to help me create the short notice wedding that I could never have managed on my own. I feel so grateful for my friends who jumped at the opportunity to help, my selfless parents and loving family members who bent over backwards to give me a celebration and find options for me that I felt happy with when the time constraints limited them considerably, and my understanding new mother in law who has such excellent taste and unquenchable enthusiasm (and was probably more excited to plan my wedding than I was).

And most of all I was able to enjoy the sweet moments with my Tyler--all the laughing, the acts of kindness, the good company. We had so much fun making invitation blunders and registering for gifts, trying desperately to take engagement pictures that weren't awkward or strained when we didn't know what to do in front of a camera. We were able to accomplish so much wedding planning in such a short time and we were able to do it together. He is full to his tall brim with beauty and goodness and selflessness. I seriously hit the jackpot. I can't wait for our forever together.

Engagement Pt 1: The Decision

We had it all figured out.

June 28th.

It was a good, solid date. It fit in with my work schedule and we'd get married right after Tyler finished Spring semester. The boy had proposed. Family members had been told. A Facebook invite had been extended. The ball was rolling.

And then I experienced my first week of engagement. It was torture.
I was driving Tyler crazy because I couldn't make up my mind about anything.
I couldn't sleep at night because I couldn't stop thinking about wedding decorations.
I was stressed. I was exhausted. It hadn't even been 7 days.

I am a very laid back person, and I don't like to worry too much about things. I just like to enjoy life. I quickly found that planning a wedding made that hard for me.

Tyler's family came out that weekend for Spring Break. It was a Saturday, and his mom was helping us make some plans for the wedding. Tyler, Momma Dalton and I were driving back from the Salt Lake area when someone, I think it was Tyler, planted the seed.

"What if we just did it in April?"

The three of us sat quietly for a moment, all thinking something along the lines of "... But really. What if we did?"

I remember that moment so vividly. The road stretched out in front of us. The mountains were so prominent and beautiful and for that moment everything was so simple and easy and perfect. The sky was clear and blue. So, so blue. Every time I see blue skies I think of how I felt right then. After a week of stress and anxiety, that moment of peace and clarity was such a relief, and made a great impression on me.

We took a couple days to mull it over. We didn't want to make any rash decisions, but we also knew that if we were going to change our date, we had to do it PRONTO.

We made a pro/con list. Actually several. There was definitely merit to both options. Both of our families were incredibly supportive, and that was encouraging. But what I really kept coming back to was that blue sky feeling of simplicity. That's what Tyler and I both wanted. We knew cutting our engagement period by 2/3 was a pretty bold move, but I like to think we are a pretty bold pair.

So we did it.

April 26, 2014.

 

 

This just in

We figured out where we're having our wedding, so now I don't hate being engaged anymore.
I am so excited for the party
and I'm excited to eat wedding cake
and I'm excited to move into our first apartment together
and I'm excited to not have to stay up late every night and then watch him go home
and I'm excited for all of our food to be in one place: our pantry
and I'm excited to be out of school for the summer so I can cook him food all the time
and I'm excited to have time to work out again
and I'm excited to read books together
and budget together
and be poor together
and improvise furniture because we can't afford the real stuff together.
Yippeeee marriage! Yay for love!!

I can't wait.

April 26 is looking better and better!

So far

engagement is insane.

Planning a wedding.. Well I don't want to say it's the worst but I will say that we consider eloping on a daily basis.

Dress, check.
Florist, check.
Photographer, check.
Invitations, in the works.
Married housing, kill me now.
Getting in shape, I've pretty much given up.
Sleep, ha ha good one.
Solid plans on reception vs. luncheon vs. open house vs. absolutely nothing (I've honestly considered it), nowhere to be found.
Wedding date, still not 100% decided.
Money, don't even ask.
Decent grades this semester, growing ever more unlikely.

I can't make up my mind about anything. I feel like I am teetering on the edge of my sanity. Tyler thinks I'm crazy (and he is rarely wrong). I'm pretty sure he is wondering what happened to the girl he agreed to marry.

I am wondering too.

The Proposal

I really didn't see it coming. Honest. I should have when my roommate asked me what kind of flowers would be pretty for our apartment but then the flowers never showed up. But I didn't even think he had the ring yet. I thought I'd still have to wait at least another month.

I woke up at 7:30 knowing it was going to be a full day. Tyler and I had planned a temple trip that morning, after which I would promptly get on the Frontrunner to go to South Jordan for my cousin's baby shower. He made my mom promise to get me back in time, cause he had a plan and a ring burning a hole in his pocket.

I got back to Provo around 3 and we were discussing where we wanted to eat for our date that night. Poor Tyler, wanting to do something special, suggested Communal, but I insisted that we go somewhere less expensive. Not wanting to push the matter and tip me off to the surprise, he obliged. We instead went to Tommy's Burgers, a teeny, run-down little burger joint near downtown Provo. Afterwards, he said he heard about this pretty walk around some park and he really wanted to go. This also should have tipped me off, because rarely is Tyler inflexible when it comes to evening plans, and he seemed relatively set on this idea.

We began walking through the park, past a couple of people doing campfires. We crossed a bridge, and I noticed that there were little strips of tulle and roses woven into the fence.

Tyler said "hm, looks like a party" and I said "looks like someone's getting engaged." I didn't think it was going to be me, but my heart was starting to pound a little. Then I caught a glimpse of some lights through the trees. At this point I was pretty confident about what was about to happen. Tyler led me to a path that headed into the woods, and at our feet there was a jar of flowers. He picked it up and handed it to me, and we continued down the path, which led to a little table next to a creek set with a white table cloth, another jar of flowers, candles, plates and champagne glasses, and a boxed cake.

There were candles in small mason jars strung around the dining area to look like little lanterns. And my coat was there waiting for me, in case it was cold (it was a little. Thanks for thinking of me, babe). He poured sparkling cider and cut us some cake. We ate and fed each other bites of cake and joked about what if my coat caught on fire when I reached across the table over the candle. I laughed nervously a lot. We stared at each other a lot. I watched his every move to see when he was going to reach to the ground or into the cake box or into his pocket and pull out a little box. Finally, he spoke. He told me how he doesn't want to miss a day seeing me, being with me, or laughing with me. That he couldn't live without me and that there's no one else he would rather spend his life with. He then stood and came around the table and got down on one knee (still taller than me when I'm sitting) and asked me to marry him. And I said yes, because I thought he gave a pretty convincing argument.

Then, my dear friends emerged from the darkness. Merrilyn, Hilary, Julianne, Keira, and sweet Caroline came into view and squealed with me about how I'm engaged! Tyler's beautiful cousin, Chelsea, came out with a camera and started snapping pictures with a blinding flash (not sure how respectable I look in any of those but so grateful for the documentation of that special moment nonetheless). (P.S. these are not those pictures. I am still waiting for them. These are crappy iPhone pictures.)


Wasn't sure what to do here. Do I hug my fiancé (!!!!!) or do I show off my ring? In the end, I did neither of those things and stood there awkwardly. 

I about lost it. It meant so much to me to have loved ones there and to see how much everyone came together to make this happen. I felt so much love and support and I couldn't have asked for it to be more magical. I feel so blessed to enjoy so much kindness in my life and I have received the ultimate blessing in the form of this man who wants so much to make me happy and worked so hard to create an experience that would be special for me (even though I made it as complicated as possible through his entire planning process).



I had coincidentally painted my nails the night before. That was a stroke of luck, cause that only happens about once every two weeks.

I hate to be gushy, but this is my blog and if ever I have license to be gushy, now is the time.

I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I found the most wonderful man, and he adores me more than I could ever hope to deserve. He is so sweet, so giving, so selfless. He is my calm in this storm of a life. He is my private beach, my getaway, my vacation when I need a break. He is my safe harbor, my anchor, my common sense. Before him, I never knew that someone else could make me feel beautiful; I always thought I would spend my whole life trying to convince myself of that. In the gentlest of ways he tells me no when I need to hear it, even though all he ever wants to do is tell me yes. He gives me direction and, at the same time, freedom to be myself. Watching him smile is better than watching the most beautiful sunset, and we could giggle like 8th graders at the stupidest things for hours. I love him in such a sweet and simple way, and it's the most wonderful thing in the world.

I don't mean to brag (although he totally deserves to be bragged about). I mean to set a standard.

I believe every girl deserves to feel this way. I believe everyone can feel this way. I believe that, no matter what mistakes a person may have made in their past, no matter how smart or funny or attractive or accomplished you are, every girl deserves to be made to feel like the luckiest, happiest girl in the world, and every boy deserves to find someone who brings out his tenderness and inspires him to fight for her. I believe that men and women can make each other happier than we could ever be by ourselves. I believe in not settling; holding out until you get exactly what you want. I don't mean perfection, but I mean someone who has worked as hard as you have to be the best person they can be, and finding someone whose personality complements yours, who will make commitments and stick to them.

My senior year of high school, my English teacher told our class that who you marry should be the most selfish decision you ever make. That's one of the few things I took with me from high school, and ever since I have been so picky. Probably much pickier than I really had a right to be. And it was frustrating and I was afraid sometimes that I would be alone for a while as a result. I am grateful that I did not have to wait long, not nearly as long as many people do. But I am also grateful for the time that I did wait. It gave me a chance before trying to give myself to someone else to become so much more than I used to be, to learn what I liked, what I'm good at, and what I need to work on. I am ecstatic to be in love, but I learned to be happy single as well. Happiness is for everybody.

I don't believe there is ONE right person for everyone. I think each person has probably hundreds of people in the world that could complement them and make them happy. I don't think that Tyler is the only person it could have worked out with. He is not "The One." But he is the one I choose. I could not be more satisfied with that choice, and I will stand by it forever, no matter what trials we face or what stresses we endure. I accept his happiness as my personal responsibility, and I feel so thankful and humbled that my Heavenly Father has entrusted me with that. I am full to the brim with gratitude that he chose me too.

I love you, Tyler. Thank you for loving me.

I can't wait to be Mrs. Dalton!

The Beginning

I met Tyler my Freshman year of college. He was my home teacher.

Yes. It's one of those stories.
But also not.

We didn't date Freshman year. We both had our silly Freshman excuses for romances, and as the school year faded into summer and we separately faced turning points in our lives, we found a friend in each other. We text messaged quite frequently, me from Utah and he in Arizona. He sympathized with my constant food cravings during my cleanse and offered me comfort through some of my dating hardships. He always offered a patient listening ear, a word of wisdom, and a hearty sense of humor when I needed someone to talk to. He was a breath of fresh air and I always enjoyed our interactions.

Tyler was called to serve a mission for two years in San Jose, California for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He left at the end of August, 2011. He and his sweet mom had dinner at our apartment the night before he went into the MTC. My roommates and I fed him spaghetti for his last meal so that he would not soon forget college cuisine.

I wrote him fairly consistently over the course of his mission (excepting a few months that I spent pledging my loyalty in relationships that were doomed for failure, after which I bombarded him with mopey and insensitive letters that he patiently, kindly, selflessly responded to). I sent him birthday and Christmas packages full of poorly made, poorly packaged baked goods and Instagram pictures cut out of printer paper.

 

He surprised me with the occasional Christmas card, birthday card, and pictures of his adventures. His handwriting was always better than mine. Our weekly letters contained the week's developments and coy but increasingly frequent hints at our interest in each other. We got to know one another fairly well, but more importantly, we learned that we wanted to know even more. A lot more. Everything.

We were against the odds, I think. I heard a disheartening number of tales of girls who wrote missionaries expecting it to blossom into a fairy tale love when he got home, only to find that they didn't mesh as well as they thought they would and it fizzled into nothingness. I spent hours worrying that I would fall short of his expectations and get disappointed. I was afraid to let myself get excited about him. But I prayed that if the feeling was mutual and if it would be good for us, that the Lord would guide my life in such a way that it might include Tyler.

When the presidency of my church lowered the age for girls to serve an 18-month mission from 21 to 19, I seriously considered serving a mission. I tried to convince myself that if it was the right thing it would work out, but it never quite settled with me knowing that if I went, Tyler would very likely not be single when I got home. So instead, I continued to take classes. I got a job more relevant to my major. I ran a couple marathons. I came to enjoy myself and slowly stopped feeling dependent on being in a relationship to be fulfilled in life. It was a development process I needed to undergo. As I look back on the two years we spent writing while we were apart, I feel grateful for the time I had to grow and get an idea of what a relationship and marriage should be from wonderful couples who were such incredible examples to me. I grew in my mindset that a happy relationship would be the fruit of becoming the best version of myself that I could be. I grew emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually.

Before long, he only had 6 months left. Then 4. Then one. And suddenly he was coming homing tomorrow and I was full of nerves and excitement to finally be able to talk to my good friend for more than one letter a week, and hopeful anticipation that maybe he would be as fond of (er.. Obsessed with..) me as I was of him. But I still tried to calm myself with a steady reminder that nothing was certain and it might not work out. I was very afraid of getting my hopes up. 

But Tyler surprised me, and has kept surprising me since the day he got home. When I thought he would need a few days adjusting from being an awkward RM before he could call me, he called me the night he got home and talked with me for hours without a single sign of discomfort. When I thought I'd have to wait months before we'd both be in the same state, he gave me the best birthday present I've ever received: he road tripped 10 hours to see me after only 10 days of being back. He was not the exact person I had come to expect, but he was everything I had grown to need, and it just fell into place.

 

It wasn't perfect. Long distance was hard, and when he moved to Provo, adjusting to a full time relationship had its challenges. We had to learn how to handle each other's temperaments and work around each other's schedules. We had a few misunderstandings that required long, painful talks. But we always had a common goal of making the other happy and just wanted to be with each other.

I love this story. I have enjoyed every single leg of this journey, each bringing different emotions and teaching me different lessons. I am so grateful to have found this man who is willing to embark on it with me, with unimaginable and unanticipated challenges and joys, who above all I know will persevere with me. I can't wait for tomorrow, and the day after that, and all the days after that. Forever.